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Self Help Book and What I Did Today :)

Today my shift was canceled which was a blessing in disguise because my head hurt all day (pressure in my sinuses) and I slept. I also packed my clothes today.  Usually when my parents and I leave to go on vacation we pack some stuff last minute that we use daily like toothbrushes and shampoo ect. I can’t wait to go! Today was hot outside so I stayed in. I haven’t been exercising much. My energy level is a tad better but because of my weird work hours I get tired during the day sometimes. I feel guilty I joined the gym and hardly go. I plan on going more after vacation.

I’m nervous and excited about school starting July 7th. 😀 It’ll be weird going to class on the main campus and at night.  I hope my teacher and the students will be nice. I hope I make one friend. I did 40 affirmations today 🙂 I figured since I didn’t write any yesterday to double it up. Lol I’m supposed to do 20 per day but I forget. :/ 

The self-help/ transformation book I’m going to start reading, “The Untethered soul: the journey beyond yourself,” by Michael A. Singer. Book Description: “What would it be like go be free from limitations and soar beyond your boundaries? What can you do each day go find this kind of inner peace and freedom? Whether it his I’d your first exploration of inner space or you’ve devoted your life to the inward journey, this book will transform your relationship with yourself and the world around you.” Michael A. Singer

“The Untethered Soul begins by walking you through your relationship with your thoughts and emotions., helping you uncover the source and fluctuations of your inner energy. It then delves into what you can do to free yourself from the habitual thoughts, emotions, and energy patterns that limit your consciousness. Finally, with perfect clarity, this books opens the door to life lived in the freedom of your innermost being.” Michael A. Singer 

I hope this book helps me free myself from my depression and worries. I am my own worst enemy (Pink said this ad many others have ). 😉 

What If? 5/25/14

What if my life took a different turn? What it I had lived in a different country?  With a different upbringing?  If I didn’t grow up Christian what would I be today? What if I had been a male?  What if I grew up rich? Would I be snobby or still nice? I always wonder what it is like to be someone that isn’t me to live a different lifestyle. I am really glad I lived the life I have lived. I wish I could fix all my mistakes but I can’t.  I may have many enemies but I cannot be friends with everyone I do try though. Quality over Quantity is one of the best advice I have ever heard. 🙂 Today I am more open minded and kind. More honest and straight forward.  More cautious. I become better. Depression does drag me down but I know who I can count on in my life. People who understand I am busy and don’t nag me when I don’t keep in contact often because they love me and I love them. I am doing the best I can and someday I’ll be more satisfied when I find my calling in my career aspect of my life. I am very blessed. Amen. 🙂 

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Today’s Thoughts 5/8/14

Gary Stadler Fairy Heart Magic Full Album

I got an A- on my English essay about why Gatsby is great! 😀 Today was my last class for English 102 and I’ll miss my teacher and the people in it. Everyone was nice. It was the most challenging class I have ever taken! He taught all about symbolism and connections it has to other books, movies, and life. Also I might join a writer’s workshop next month! I have a science fiction/fantasy story I was writing, not much has been written. :/ That’ll change hopefully. I just changed the background of my blog! Yay fairies!! I wish I could make or just wear different fairy outfits and play the harp and ocarina. I love listening to new age music and I look up fairy music on youtube and I was surprised to find music in that category! I love Youtube. I looked a few years ago for fairy music so nothing new.

 

 

Aside

Emotion Today

Emotion is a state of arousal involving facial and bodily changes, brain activation, cognitive appraisals, subjective feelings, and tenderness toward action.

Primary emotions are emotions that are considered to be universal and biologically based.

Primary emotions include fear, anger, sadness, joy, surprise, disgust, and contempt.

Three of these sentences I got from my teacher because I wanted to share info about emotion before my post.

I notice this year at the age of 27 that number makes me feel scared. I feel like a child inside that’s pretending to grow up and then sometimes I feel like a wise woman looking back at her youth. I feel happiness, anxiousness, and sadness, a feeling of wanting something in life I cannot find, life I don’t understand. I wish God wasn’t so mysterious to me. I wish I understood the way he though and thinks to this day. I don’t understand why bad things happen to good people, innocent animals, and children, especially children. I feel inspired and motivated and then the next moment I don’t. I feel lonely and then I don’t. How can I feel all of these things? How can I be so complex? I don’t know how to believe in myself and I’ve had tiny moments of believing, but deep down to the core of my soul I don’t feel capable. I know everyone says you are capable, you are intelligent and beautiful, but I don’t believe it. I try to believe it and sometimes I do but then I just go back to the beginning of what I have always originally thought. My whole life I have been average and even below average never above. I don’t want to be in the background my whole life, be invisible but in the end it doesn’t matter because most people are forgotten after they die. I want to forget about the world around me and hide away in a cabin to write. I would share it with my love and he would have his own writing quarters. I need to inspire and push myself, as my love and others do. Real life isn’t enough I need to dream up my own. I think most people in the world are not inspired, are cynical, sad, and lonely. As children life is full of magic and wonder but we find out the disappointing reality. As humans we are equal and unequal. We are equal because we all feel the same emotions and we all deserve to be treated with respect if asked for forgiveness especially of dark acts that are shameful and evil. I love being around my friends but I realize I love being alone more than I used to. I want to learn who I am and what I’m capable of. I want to become masterful in something. I want to become a leader. I want to overcome my fear of swimming and lose myself in the feeling of it. I want too much and I ask God for too much. I do think it is good I have dreams and goals, and everyone should find theirs as well. I have been defeatist my whole life changing is very difficult indeed, but at least I want to.

Hardest Goals this Summer and Forward in Time

Emotion is a state of arousal involving facial and bodily changes, brain activation, cognitive appraisals, subjective feelings, and tenderness toward action.

Primary emotions are emotions that are considered to be universal and biologically based.

Primary emotions include fear, anger, sadness, joy, surprise, disgust, and contempt.

Three of these sentences I got from my teacher because I wanted to share info about emotion before my post.

I notice this year at the age of 27 that number makes me feel scared. I feel like a child inside that’s pretending to grow up and then sometimes I feel like a wise woman looking back at her youth. I feel happiness, anxiousness, and sadness, a feeling of wanting something in life I cannot find, life I don’t understand. I wish God wasn’t so mysterious to me. I wish I understood the way he though and thinks to this day. I don’t understand why bad things happen to good people, innocent animals, and children, especially children. I feel inspired and motivated and then the next moment I don’t. I feel lonely and then I don’t. How can I feel all of these things? How can I be so complex? I don’t know how to believe in myself and I’ve had tiny moments of believing, but deep down to the core of my soul I don’t feel capable. I know everyone says you are capable, you are intelligent and beautiful, but I don’t believe it. I try to believe it and sometimes I do but then I just go back to the beginning of what I have always originally thought. My whole life I have been average and even below average never above. I don’t want to be in the background my whole life, be invisible but in the end it doesn’t matter because most people are forgotten after they die. I want to forget about the world around me and hide away in a cabin to write. I would share it with my love and he would have his own writing quarters. I need to inspire and push myself, as my love and others do. Real life isn’t enough I need to dream up my own. I think most people in the world are not inspired, are cynical, sad, and lonely. As children life is full of magic and wonder but we find out the disappointing reality. As humans we are equal and unequal. We are equal because we all feel the same emotions and we all deserve to be treated with respect if asked for forgiveness especially of dark acts that are shameful and evil. I love being around my friends but I realize I love being alone more than I used to. I want to learn who I am and what I’m capable of. I want to become masterful in something. I want to become a leader. I want to overcome my fear of swimming and lose myself in the feeling of it. I want too much and I ask God for too much. I do think it is good I have dreams and goals, and everyone should find theirs as well. I have been defeatist my whole life changing is very difficult indeed, but at least I want to.

Hardest Goals this Summer and Forward in Time

1.) To learn who I am, and what I am capable of

2.) Lose Weight

3.) Write and Let Go (Especially Fiction Stories)

4) Time Management

5.) Organization

6.) Not Giving Up

Depression

I have depression and so do many people, especially a large portion of Americans today. Depression is usually due to a chemical in balance in the brain. Usually people with this (including me) have suicidal thoughts and try to hurt themselves. Also loss of interest in socializing and hobbies.

When I first noticed I was depressed I was in seventh grade it was the year I had no friends. I was very geeky to my peers because I had glasses, braces, acne and we’ll I wasn’t well endowed in the chest area. I was painfully shy, I looked down at my feet whenever I walked and I was incredibly skinny and I looked fragile. You could just look at me and see that I was a sensitive girl. People ignored me or were rude to me about my clothes because I didn’t know how to dress. I used to starve myself and I would spit up food because I had anxiety everyday about going to school. I never made myself throw up but subconsciously I couldn’t keep food down. Also I cried every night and I couldn’t sleep for weeks at one point. I was a walking zombie. One day my mom took me to the doctor and I don’t remember what he said I guess I blocked it out but after that I didn’t starve myself anymore. I think he told me I was an attractive young girl and I shouldn’t starve myself (while my mom was in the room worried).

After that my life had ups and down and my peers didn’t help. I felt like an outsider and I felt very lonely.  I had a small group of friends in eighth grade but the friendships weren’t very close. High school was better than middle school because I had a best friend and we had alot in common. But he put me through he’ll because he manipulated me and made me feel ugly and stupid. There was a girl in our group who always insulted me because I was small chested. I found out during our high school years she was insecure because of her weight.  I had fun in the group but after high school I realized they were not my true friends because they didn’t accept who I was. I let people take advantage of me in high school and I was a follower. My life is heaven compared to the dark place I was in.

I still deal with depression but with medication, my family,  my soul mate that I have finally found, my friends,  therapy, and my advisor I am a happier person.  My emotional life was full of hate and agony with my emotional abuse feeling watched and judged and I was in high school. I was to THEM a dork, geek, nerd, loser, preppy, insecure, awkward, ugly and once was called creepy girl.

I was never those things. I like being different and unique now. I don’t care about fitting in. I love college it’s true what people say high school can be the worst time of your life and college is the best!!

I am not an expert on depression but if anyone wants to talk to me or if you want me to help you I will do my best to do so. 🙂 Peace, love and fairy hugs. God Bless

My Thoughts Tonight and Two Questions

I tend to worry at night, mostly every night. I worry about my future and the future of the world. I don’t feel I have any talents or abilities to make it in the world. I am doing the best I can. I need to push myself. My goal is to lose 10 lbs or more. Also to be better at time management,  and organization. Lately I notice I am more forgetful and I am tired alot. I am going to go the gym three times a week. This blog is to express myself and I hope you all enjoy it. I will post as much as possible but I am very busy. This is a hobby that has really gotten me to feel more excited about life and my day to day life. I usually hold myself back but I can’t and I won’t do that anymore. I have a really great life with a beyond this world amazing boyfriend,  friends and parents. I usually procrastinate I don’t know why. This summer I’m taking two class separated into summer 1 and 2. I’ll be taking Human Service classes. 🙂 I hope that my creatively will flow and I can work on my story in progress I will post it. It is a science fiction and fantasy story. 

 

Question:What do you think is better a therapist, psychologist, or life coach? I’ve never had the second two. If anyone has ever had a psychologist or life coach and would like to share your experience please share. 🙂 

 

Also… How does someone know whether to continue seeing a therapist? I have a nice therapist and she has helped me but I’m not sure if I’m moving forward enough. I know I need to do the work as well. Any advice?