Weird Dreams

I had a dream that I snuck out of my house and went to a party. Everyone seemed strange in it. Then a girl was trying to drive drunk and she ran out of the car then someone who wasn’t intoxicated drove all of us into a place where we could hide. People were after us and they out wild animals such as bears and tigers into a window in the basement we were in. The animals were biting me a little but in the dream it didn’t hurt. In another dream I was naked and I had to put pajamas on. I don’t remember any other details of the dreams.

Spiritual Art of Writing: I Must Not Give Up

I want the will,

I want the words,

I want the endless imagination of my mind,

I want to captivate and to tell a story by showing it with words,

Paint the world’s of the stories into the minds of the readers,

I need to relax and find a way to inspire I’d life cannot inspire me,

I need to believe I am a writer,

I want to and I need to delve deep into the depths of my soul,

Patience and practice is what I need,

My imagination I must grow and feed,

Free writing and immersion drowning in books will be the seed,

My soul will bleed emotion,

Writing is a spiritual art,

It has healed many hearts.

My Journey is Beginning

Ever since I moved in the wonderful sea far moving town I have been more productive than I have in my life! Β I am slowly become more confident, self assured woman. πŸ˜‰ I am happy I am doing massage therapy and now Mary Kay! I just started texting people from the event I went to and made some calls. πŸ™‚

Friday I’m going clothes and I might see a movie. πŸ™‚

12/14/14 Sunday

Today I went for a walk with my mom and I got Jergens lotion at cvs. πŸ™‚ Then we rested for a bit and my folks and I went to a Christmas concert. Β My favorite part of the concert was the second half when they played songs from Polar Express movie, and the Chipmunk song. πŸ™‚ Also songs from Frozen. When they played the Chipmunk song people in the audience played on kazoo because the conductor gave the kazoos to them. I ate cookies, rice crispy treat and carrot cake. My mom laughed because I brought two plates some food for her and my dad as well. She had a brownie.

Yesterday I went to ladies marathon event and gave out coupons and candy. πŸ™‚ Also my friend and I had the women sign up to win a $50 shopping spree and a free pampering session raffle! πŸ™‚ This week I will be calling some of them and hopefully I’ll get some clients! I just decided to sell Mary Kay a few weeks ago. I don’t remember the exact date.

I have been using experienceproject.com more than Facebook and I like experienceproject.com better. Everyone shares their life stories, fears and dreams! Mostly everyone is very kind and insightful. I encountered a few Β perverted weirdos. :/ I just block them when that happens.

Bored with Life

I am bored with life because I have depression. I’m losing interest in everything. Β I want to write stories but something is holding me back. I should just do it but I’m afraid what I will write won’t be good enough for the writing group I want to join. I decided besides doing massage therapy I’m going to sell Mary Kay. πŸ™‚ They sell skin care products besides make up. Tomorrow I’m going to Danvers and I’m going to look for clothes at the thrift store. Saturday I’m going to an ladies event where they are doing a marathon I guess? Β I’ll find out more on Saturday. Β I miss my books they’re all back home. Most of all I miss Phil and my best friend Emily. I wish they lived near me. I really hate winter it makes me depressed and sleepy. I do like Christmas though. πŸ™‚ My boyfriend’s birthday was yesterday.

I keep searching for books online and nothing ever seems satisfying when I read it. I’m too picky.

Emotion

I watched the movie, “The Giver” and the people in the movie got injections to not feel ANY emotions. Their society us perfect no war, crimes and no diseases. Everyone was told what to wear and there were no lies, jealousy, Β envy, greed and no lust. At first it seems like a good idea but then you realize that having emotions makes us human and that can be a beautiful thing. Yes there are dark moments and memories but we need to realize there is light and goodness if not by others then within ourselves.

I feel like I don’t have emotions anymore. I feel like a robot always in the same bad habits and routine. I have trouble focusing and being connected with my emotions and what I want in life. I’m trying to change and become passionate. I so love doing massage therapy because I like helping people. Β It is hard for me to focus on studying it on my own. I want to and I will tonight. Β I need to push myself. So I will watch YouTube videos about massage and test myself on anatomy. I know it’s my depression holding me back. I just found out I have ADHD. It’s strange because as a child I feel like I could focus but now I don’t. At least I have a good therapist and she there’s a psychiatrist who will give me medicine for ADHD.

I wonder if I have ADHD because I’ve been doing multiple things with technology. When I watch a video on tv or online I use my phone, or when I’m on my Kindle I use my phone. I’m always nervous I’ll miss something important even though I out it on vibrate or on sound. I need to learn how to focus on the present and do one task at a time.