Feeling Productive :D

Today, I took the 2014 Mandatory Test Review for my work at the hospital I work at. It was online and it only took 15 minutes because it was only 24 questions. After that I went to the post office to drop off my large envelope with my DMH paperwork and I had it certified so I could make sure it doesn’t get lost. I also got 20 Harry potter which are forever, meaning you don’t have to pay and use a second stamp with it. I don’t know if I explained that right I hope I did. πŸ™‚ I almost forgot to go to my therapist appointment today, but I didn’t miss it because I called and I rescheduled for next Tuesday at 11. πŸ™‚ I will miss my therapist when I move. 😦 She’s very kind, sweet, understanding, and a good listener. She’s pretty good at advice but I feel like I need a batter therapist someone who will push my gently yet firmly to overcome my fears and anxieties. Also she accomplish my short and long term goals and dreams. πŸ˜€

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Feeling Like an Independent Woman ;) Rawrz!

Today, for the first time I went grocery shopping by myself. I only my got a few things worth $53.00 (prices are crazy!) But I feel more like an adult. The only thing I didn’t do was add everything because I feel embarrassed when I have to. I know it’s weird but I do. Also I didn’t understand how the sales worked. I need to really have my mom teach me how to understand when they’re sales in every store. :/ It’s embarrassing but I do have Dyscalculia that is why at twenty-seven I am still struggling with math. I also did the dishes, laundry,and vacuumed. I used to do housework all the time when my mom worked when I was in middle school and off and on throughout the years. I haven’t done it much lately because I get tired a lot from working second and third shift. I feel guilty about this. :/ I do however always help my parents when they need anything, help with chores, money, and if they need rides anywhere. I’m too dependent on them but I WILL change that.

Also I made photocopies of paperwork I need to fill out for DMH (Department of Mental Health) to get a case management worker in my local area to help me connect with one in Gloucester. It sounds weird but that’s what my rehabilitation counselor told me to do. I’m getting a case manager to help me find a job in Gloucester because I have learning disabilities (mostly math and spatial learning), and I have anxiety in the work place. Also I have depression. She said those three things should allow me to qualify. I hope she is correct. I hope I get SSI I don’t understand why I was denied twice!! 😦 I think it was because they think all the stuff I have is minor compared to other people which is true but having learning disabilities and depression does affect my daily life. Also anxiety.

I have two ex friends who have decided to be really rude (and that’s putting it nicely) and they decided to unfriend me on Facebook. I realize that it’s better to have a few good friends than a plethora (many) friends because I know who I can and can’t trust. My first priority will be to find a job, and discover what career I will be passionate about by visiting campuses and talking with the advisors. I figured out a good way to meet people is by volunteering, college, and through meetup.com I know I need to be cautious and I will be.

Lastly, I am sad about the death of Robin Williams my favorite comedian actor and always will be. Rest in Peace Robin Williams.

Sorry for Laziness and Anxiousness

I’ve been preoccupied because I keep thinking about moving, (also I sometime s work second or third shifts). I am worried I won’t find a job but worrying doesn’t do me or anyone for that matter any good. It’s hard to stop but I’ve been told that and reminded again and again. It really helps being told.

I have therapy Thursday and I’m getting my hair and eyebrows done. I cannot wait!!

My parents are in Gloucester for a week getting stuff done. My dad goes to the VA because he’s a veteran. They aren’t looking for apartments until we move in October and we’re staying at a nice rental house that we rented this summer. It feels weird but nice having this place to myself. I definitely need to learn how to be independent. I hate doing chores but it’s good for me plus I don’t have to do much.

This week I plan on writing and reading when I don’t get shifts. Please pray I get many shifts before I move in October.

I am sorry I haven’t been blogging I haven’t done much lately. I’m still trying to figure out what to blog about. I might change the name of my blog sometime. I’m not sure yet. πŸ™‚

Faerie shimmers and hugs! Thanks for reading! God Bless xoxoox

Demons or Satan Nightmare :(

I had a nightmare that I felt an evil presence of one or more demons in my dream bedroom. I was on my bed and words appeared on my wall and I said something along the lines of, “In the name of God I ask you to leave.” “I believe in God.” The nightmare was emotionally intense and this is the second or third time this year I had it. I hope it isn’t a bad sign that I might go to hell. Or I’m a bad Christian. I believe and love God, Jesus Christ is my savior. We’re all sinners and I pray for forgiveness and thank Jesus for dying on the cross of my sins and humanity’s sins. It might just be because I have a lot of anxiety about moving and job searching.

I have a book I will finish reading called,”The Idiot’s Guide to The Bible.” Also I have my Bible, Bible App, and Christian spiritual growth books. I need to read these on a more consistent level and actually finish them, except the Bible it’s a ongoing reading process and journey. πŸ™‚

So Many Careers So Many Fears

There’s many careers I wouldn’t mind pursing such as massage therapy, esthetician, occupational therapy assistant, and physical therapy assistant. The first two don’t pay very well unless a person is experienced and works in a city. I loved observing in the OT and PT department. I will observe two more times because I didn’t get to watch the evaluations. If I worked at a pta or OTA I wouldn’t have to evaluate, but I want to watch how a pt and ot does it anyway.

I have been searching online for massage therapy jobs and the best website is craigslist.com. Other sites don’t give as many job postings. I already contacted a lady who is an LMT (licensed massage therapist) owns her own business. She is an hour away from Gloucester that is the bad part. 😦 But accomplishing dreams are not easy. I also will have a job coach she gives free consultations and her sessions are $35 each. She’s gives the cheapest sessions.

A part of me is very sad that I won’t be pursuing human services but that could change someday. The industry has a high stress level and low income. It makes me anxious that most careers I am interested in and would probably do well in is low income.

Most likely if I go to a four year college or a school for massage/spa therapy it will be in Boston. Luckily I can save on gas by taking transportation.

Facts about ME!

Strawberry Bubbles

I don’t think pink and red go together.

I am extremelyΒ scared of death.

I like to have long hair, because there is more options to style it.

I was on the honor role for one semester in 7th grade. (my proudest year)

I went to three schools in my whole life and I liked the first and last.

I have more friends in my head then I do with people on the earth.

I am scared to be blamed for something I didn’t do, like murder.

I went to a meeting in 10th grade that put me in a therapeutic school.

I have tried to poison myself and another girl. (not proud of that)

I love to smile.

I always wondered what lava tasted like cold.

I still have not overcome my fear of showering or mirrors.

I want to publish a novel one day.

My heart races for no…

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