Depression

I have depression and so do many people, especially a large portion of Americans today. Depression is usually due to a chemical in balance in the brain. Usually people with this (including me) have suicidal thoughts and try to hurt themselves. Also loss of interest in socializing and hobbies.

When I first noticed I was depressed I was in seventh grade it was the year I had no friends. I was very geeky to my peers because I had glasses, braces, acne and we’ll I wasn’t well endowed in the chest area. I was painfully shy, I looked down at my feet whenever I walked and I was incredibly skinny and I looked fragile. You could just look at me and see that I was a sensitive girl. People ignored me or were rude to me about my clothes because I didn’t know how to dress. I used to starve myself and I would spit up food because I had anxiety everyday about going to school. I never made myself throw up but subconsciously I couldn’t keep food down. Also I cried every night and I couldn’t sleep for weeks at one point. I was a walking zombie. One day my mom took me to the doctor and I don’t remember what he said I guess I blocked it out but after that I didn’t starve myself anymore. I think he told me I was an attractive young girl and I shouldn’t starve myself (while my mom was in the room worried).

After that my life had ups and down and my peers didn’t help. I felt like an outsider and I felt very lonely.  I had a small group of friends in eighth grade but the friendships weren’t very close. High school was better than middle school because I had a best friend and we had alot in common. But he put me through he’ll because he manipulated me and made me feel ugly and stupid. There was a girl in our group who always insulted me because I was small chested. I found out during our high school years she was insecure because of her weight.  I had fun in the group but after high school I realized they were not my true friends because they didn’t accept who I was. I let people take advantage of me in high school and I was a follower. My life is heaven compared to the dark place I was in.

I still deal with depression but with medication, my family,  my soul mate that I have finally found, my friends,  therapy, and my advisor I am a happier person.  My emotional life was full of hate and agony with my emotional abuse feeling watched and judged and I was in high school. I was to THEM a dork, geek, nerd, loser, preppy, insecure, awkward, ugly and once was called creepy girl.

I was never those things. I like being different and unique now. I don’t care about fitting in. I love college it’s true what people say high school can be the worst time of your life and college is the best!!

I am not an expert on depression but if anyone wants to talk to me or if you want me to help you I will do my best to do so. 🙂 Peace, love and fairy hugs. God Bless

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Depression

  1. Jenn M says:

    Great post! High school is definitely a place of high insecurity. I didn’t learn until college that peers harass and put down others due to the fact that they are insecure about themselves (and want to impress others). I didn’t have a great high school experience either (and yes, I dealt with anxiety and depression as well), but hey! I’m still here, smiling and standing! 😉

    • I’m alot happier than I used to be. I didn’t realize until college as well that they were insecure with themselves or dealing with issues with their own lives. Yeah also getting lost in a good book helps! I need to get back to reading fantasy fiction.

      • Jenn M says:

        I love fantasy fiction! Have you read “A Wrinkle in Time” or “A Wind in the Door”? Those two are my favorites! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s